Hangover: A RWBY Redux
by KatanaCosmatic
Summary: 'A joint-undercover mission, with Team JNPR. This meant A 's for the rest of the year. How did things go wrong, so fast' Featuring pretty much everyone from the RWBY series, and its theme and story stemming from film series Hangover, comes "Hangover: A RWBY Redux". Constructive criticism, qualms, comments, everything is welcome. Cover Image will be FOREVER!
1. Chapter 1: Clubbin', BABY!

_Monday_

*sniff* 'Ms. Goodwitch …'

'Weiss Schnee, I demand you tell me where team RWBY and JNPR are!'

'I'm so sorry, Ms. Goodwitch, I really am. Pardon my language, but … **we fucked up**. '

'…. Miss Schnee, what has happened?'

'The joint undercover mission, the whole night… things got out of hand and, we lost a few people. Like, we literally don't know where they are.'

'W-W—what mission? What are you talking about?! The tournament's staring in less than 3 hours. Beacon can't afford to have more missing students.'

'Yeah… you're going to have to start without us...'

_**A RWBY/Hangover Crossover**_

_Saturday, 36 hours before_

_20:00 (8 pm for those who have trouble with military time, like me)_

'But, why can't I come with you guys?' Ruby pouted, eyes widening to that of a puppy dogs.

'Cuz' you're underage, Ruby, you should know this stuff already…' Yang said, laid back against the hallway wall. She was wearing a skimpy yellow tube tank and denim cut off shorts, with her usual combat boots.

'But can't you just, sneak me in? I don't even like alcohol… Isn't this an undercover MISSION? I'M YOUR LEADER, I demand you take me with you!'

'But I don't want my baby sis surrounded by creepy guys with drinks of mysterious contents. Besides, you have that big red target on your back!' Yang tried to explain, pointing to Ruby's cape. You know, the one she ALWAYS wears.

'I'll take it off. I can take it off whenever I want.' Ruby conjectured.

'*sigh* like I said. You're still a kid, Ruby. Remember? You're still part of the team, just… out of this one part of the mission. After the nightclub, we'll pick you up and we'll go to wherever the Grimm nests are. Ok, leader.' Yang said, giving her a pat on the back. Right after, she yelled, 'Hey! Is everyone done yet? We're losing precious party time!'

_Meanwhile_

'Why are we doing spy stuff? Is it even legal to send kids out on dangerous missions that involve the criminal underground?'Jaune wondered

"… It's probably an Ozpin thing" said Ren.

"Ta-daaaa!" Nora shouted as she exited the bathroom, in a tight, long armed pink dress showing off most of her back and its length not leaving much to the imagination. Was it mentioned that she was also in Boarbatusk pumps? Pyrrha was wearing a black crop top she borrowed from Yang, and wearing a pair of Jaune's black jeans and shoes. Basically, they both looked smokin'.

Both of the boys' jaws dropped down to the floor as they couldn't take their eyes of their respective girls. Snapping out of it was pretty much impossible for them, if it weren't for the fact that Pyrrha interrupted asking,

'D- Do you like what you see, Jaune?' Jaune was back to the land of the living, along with Ren who was able to compose himself as well.

'Uh, why would—would you a—a—ask that? Of course you look great' Jaune said.

'You look nice too, Jaune. You as well, Ren.'

Jaune was in his usual attire, sans armor. Ren was wearing leather, leather, and leather, much to his dismay... and uncomfort.

'Are you guys ready to PARTAY?! I know I'm ready, ivebeenwaitingtogooutclubbingeversincearrivinghereatbeaconandi-'

'Nora, please' Ren said, while putting his hand over her mouth, his leather pants squeaking. 'Uhh, can I at least change my pants? I feel stupid…'

'Aww, but REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-'

'I'm changing'

_Back at crib RWBY_

Ruby, Yang, and Blake were in the room, in a circle. Blake had a skirt, tights, her usual boots, and a white and black blouse.

'Blake, you look so pretty!' Ruby squealed

'Where the hay is Ice Queen?' Yang asked. Just as she asked, Weiss exited the bathroom in a luxurious white pantsuit, with a light blue shirt and tie.

'Well, how do I look?' Weiss asked. The room was silent for a little while. RBY exchanged looks, while Weiss was getting a bit impatient with the three. 'Uh, hello, Earth to-'

'AHAHAHHAHAAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA'

'OH MY GOSH WHAT THE *bleepitybloop* is that?'

*snicker* 'heh'

'….. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL?'

'Why do you look like you're going to do a drive-by shoot out or something?' Yang questioned, difficulty mouthing out words.

'For one thing, this material is perfect for unarmed combat, and I don't want to show so much skin unlike you, you harlet!'

YANG SARCASM MODE: 'Ouch, calling me whore would have been less painful'

'Ugh, whatever, let's just go already.' And with that, Weiss stormed out of the room, and into JNPR's. 'Guys, out, mission, now! Pyrrha, sorry for yelling, everyone else, get going' Weiss commanded. In a single file, JNPR walked out (albeit, Nora was jumping How she was doing it in heels, we may never know).

_Back at the hallway_

Everyone was ready to party- I mean, to enact on phase 1 of the mission. Jaune was debriefing team RWBYJNPR.

'Alright, the plan is, we're finding out where the Grimm in Vale City have been coming from. We have reason to believe either terrorists or Grimm cultists are capturing these creatures and setting them free in the city. We have a lead in a nightclub across town. The seven of us will go undercover, after that we return to Beacon, report our findings, debrief Ruby on what's going on, and then track the farm with the Vale Police Department. Most of us can't bring our weapons without looking suspicious, but thankfully, Ren can hide his and Yang's doesn't look suspicious, so they'll be the main muscle. It's risky, but most of us are just going to have to rely on our auras'

'And our semblances' Pyrrha interjected.

'And our semblances. Wait, what are semblances?'

'I'll tell you on the way.'

'Uh, ok, I guess. Is everyone clear on what's happening?'

Everyone nodded.

'Ok, final touch-ups and whatnot and let's meet at the station.'

With most leaving, Yang couldn't help but tuck in her little sister.

'Yang, get off me, what are you doing?'

'I'm gonna put you into bed, silly.' Yang swept Ruby off her feet and carried Little Red Riding Hood to her bed.

'I'm not even changed yet, and it's only 8!'

'Let me just do this for once, please'

'… fine'

_**And that ends our first chapter. Stay tuned for more.**_


	2. Chapter 2: Hangover

_**WARNING: I don't actually ship anyone in RWBY, but if you see a bit of tease that you find really uncomfortable, SOZ. May I also point out, I'm super-vanilla (cis-het, no kinks), so… YUP. Also, there's quite a bit of dotdotdots &amp; dashdashdashes here &amp; there.**_

_Sunday, 10:30_

*grooooaaaannnnn…*

(My fucking eyes…fucking hurt.

My ears. Fucking hurt.

My other ears as well.)

…-

*gasp*

"Guys?" Blake shouted, her voice echoing across… a hotel room? &amp; a very fancy one at that. Why were they in a hotel room? Oh just… what happened. Apparently, Blake couldn't remember anything. She placed her head in her hands, &amp; shut herself from the disorienting world for a few seconds. "Ok, ok, ok. Visiting the three clubs around town. Bear club was last, that cowboy place second. We went to the first club, then we… we… shit, why-

"ugggghhhh…" a low, yucky gurgle.

Blake turned to see Yang…. Topless… Blake quickly turned away. She really isn't all that, huh? Maybe a water bra or something?

"… Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuddeeeeeee" Yang slurred.

"Um, Yang, you might wanna find your shirt or something" Blake stuttered.

"…..mmmmhmmmmm—"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"A high pitched scream. Blatantly Weiss'. After a few bumps here &amp; there, she came running out from what was the bathroom.

"WHERE ARE WE? &amp; WHY WAS RUBY SPRAWLED OUT ON TOP OF ME, IN MYYYYY DRESS?"

"Waisu!"Ruby whined, coming out the bathroom. She really was garbed in Weiss' dress, albeit still in her Goth boots &amp; red cape.

"Geez, heiress, you're giving me a headache. Alright guys, right now we need to-"

"Burēku" Ruby moaned.

"Ohhh, Bellabooty, you like my threads?"

Blake saw Yang in a white polo shirt, only half-closed, which looked awfully familiar.

"YANNNNNG" Ruby howled.

Team RWBY were in a predicament. While Blake was in the middle of her migraine, Weiss contemplated to herself. 'All that time sneaking liquor from dad's cellar paid off. My tolerance is astounding. The effects of alcohol are no match against Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Compan- wait a minute. Company.'

"Where's Team JNPR?" Weiss questioned. Even in their inebriated states, Team RWBY could not help but wonder.

Blake, finally able to focus, could sense a strange presence. The scent of, bananas (?), radiated from the wardrobe, by the entrance. Blake walked over… &amp; found none other than Sun, curled up like a little monkey baby, scantily clad. With his… tone muscles ever so visible, his gauntlets still on, his tail only covering the bits that mattered, &amp; … his pants covering his head. Blake was about to drool until Weiss intervened.

"… Oh my Lady GaGa…" Weiss was also, now staring. "uhuuhh, I mean, WOOOWW, looks like the rapscallion is at it again!"

"Please tell me you're working on that condescending tone of yours?"

"…"

_Sunday, 11.30_

"Is everyone feeling a little bit better now?" Weiss asked.

Team RWBY &amp; Sun were around a table, under a nice, big parasol. They had just finished a nice big lunch, courtesy of Weiss' credit card. As of now, everyone was in their proper attire, barring Ruby, who did not have her own dress for whatever reason. Ruby &amp; Yang slumped on their chairs snickering, Sun was half-asleep, &amp; Blake seemed to be the only one who was managing, even if she was in pain.

"Right now, our first priority is the safety of Team JNPR" Blake said with concern.

"&amp; my team, too" Sun interjected.

"As a first order of business, we'd need to figure out what happened last night. I suggest we empty all our pockets, see if we can find something out of that." Weiss suggested as she dug through her blazer &amp; fanny-pack. She had on her, a wallet, a vial of dust (why though?), her scroll, a dust pamphlet, &amp; a pen.

Blake shuffled through her own pocket, "Just my scroll". Blake removed her boots, flipped them upside down, &amp; out came a tiny wad of Lien &amp; a dagger for her left &amp; right boot respectively.

Ruby just said 'SAAANNNN' &amp; played with Sun's tail, so Weiss had to remove her boots to check for stuff. "If she were going to wear my dress, she could have at least been decent enough to have brought along a fanny-pack." Unfortunately, Ruby had nothing. Not even her scroll, or weapon.

"What about you, have anything on you?" Blake asked Sun. Sun, unsurprisingly, had nothing on him.

"I think my weapons &amp; scroll are in that closet you found me in, though."

Weiss gasped. "The hotel room. I forgot. Do you guys have any idea why we woke up in there?" Everyone shrugged. Weiss then quickly opened her scroll. "Check through your texts as well. Sun, check as soon as we get back up, got it!"

.

.

.

The most terrible thing happened.

"…"

"Weiss?"

"….."

"WAISU!"

"….. My father, is going, to destroy me." Weiss planted her scroll in the middle of the table, &amp; then leant back on the chair, her usually sharp blue eyes simply, spacing out.

"A-a- at least we have a lot of evidence here. L—look, I got a lot of text as well…. Um, Yang, got anything on you?" Blake digressed.

"mmmhhmm, my scroll's right here, &amp; apparently, I've been three-timing these guys" Yang placed her scroll on the table as well.

"Hah, those are my teammates! Wait till they get a load of this!" Sun jested, giving Yang the coolest of high fives.

Yang then boasted, while holding up a business card. "&amp; as a bizarre turn of events, I will now get Ruby &amp; Crescent Rose married! Isn't that great Ruby?"

"KURESENTO!" Ruby howled. "EEEEHHHHHH, KURESENTO?" As of now, Ruby realized, Crescent Rose was not with her.

Blake snatched the card away from Yang. Reading from it, she got: "'Wanna get hitched quick? Don't get a bitch-fit!'…. This is a card for requiring marriage licences at minimal costs. I guess we have a lead, now."

"Uhh, if it's alright with you guys, imma go back upstairs to get my stuff, &amp; find my friends." Sun announced.

"Alright. Come on guys…"

Blake had to carry a traumatized Weiss. &amp; Yang, a distressed Ruby. Just, what were they gonna do next? They were supposed to answer to Ms. Goodwitch first thing in the morning. How were they gonna explain things then, huh… As far as they knew (well, Blake &amp; Weiss), they were in deep *bleep*

[oh, now you use censors?]

_Meanwhile_

"… What are we going to tell our parents?" Ren asked.

"Oh, come on Ren, it's no big deal! It was going to happen sooner or later, wasn't it?" Nora repli—"oohh, look, can we get that really nice George Foreman?" _…. How the heck did she do that? Did she just interrupt me?_

Ren sighed.

**Author's Notes: I'm terribly sorry for the speed of updates. Procrastination &amp; all that. If you're wondering, I'm planning on intertwining all characters in the story one way or another, even for only one sentence. I can't guarantee you amazeballz amount of content. &amp; please do not fret; you will see Team JNPR eventually, even if they are in a bit of a jam.**

**P.S Hopefully the little tidbit at the end wasn't too much. Please tell me &amp; I'll remove it. Or I won't. Depends.**

**P.P.S Sorry if I'm using actual swearing this time.**


	3. (Mini)Chapter 3: Icebox

_? hours_

_The first thing that I notice is that my head hurts really bad. The second, I notice my pants are wet. I haven't peed my pants since I was a little girl. The third thing I notice is that my scroll is out of charge. The fourth… It's dark &amp; hot._

"So it wasn't just the headache" Pyrrha muttered to herself.

She tried to feel her surroundings. It felt like an elevator. She tried to press some buttons, but nothing would happen. Her mouth felt dry &amp; she would be running a high fever soon. Her desperation for water turned into a panic. She felt the walls closing in, piercing shadows suffocating her very being. The heat went up, &amp; she could barely breathe. She would be stuck here forev-

"Oh wait, my semblance!"

With a teensy bit of effort, Pyrrha pried open the doors. She climbed out the elevator &amp; into a grimy, green walled room. Of course, it wasn't supposed to be green, but it was pretty darn disgusting there.

In front of her was an icebox. A frantic Pyrrha quickly slid the door open, only to jump backwards, &amp; tumble back into the elevator. The fall was so bad; the elevator went down a few floors. Not bothered to just simply open the doors &amp; climb a few steps, she channelled her inner Magneto &amp; made the elevator rise to previous floor. She stepped out with a curious look on her face. In the icebox was… a little girl! Half her hair was pink, &amp; the other brown, woth white streaks on the pink part as well. She sounded familiar… _like that girl Team RWBY fought! _Pyrrha slowly moved her hand toward the girl's shoulders, when the girl's eyes burst open. Both her eyes were brown… _It must have been a different girl then… _

"Umm, are you alright, miss?" Pyrrha asked.

The girl climbed out of the icebox. With her was a cute parasol. Just like that girl…

She just kept staring at Pyrrha. Pyrrha just kept staring at her. The girl glanced to the Pyrrha's right. Pyrrha turned &amp;…. A stinging pain with an envelope of darkness after.


	4. Chapter 4: Heist (of some sort)

_**Note: My deepest apologies in advance if I offend any of you for:**_

_** A. Using Team CRDL in the chapter  
B. Making fun of some of you with conditions such as dog allergies, colour blindness, dyslexia, etc. (This chapter I took I bit more inspiration from the Hangover series)**_

"So we're g-gonna rob someone, of like, a g-gajillion Lien", Cardin stuttered right after a gulp.

"Well, it's not a gajillion, but it sends a message. &amp; none of it is going to you four" Roman uttered. "After all, you now owe me, dustheads."

"But we can't just DO that?" Russel screamed.

"Shhhhhhhhh… ya little shit. So are you guys in or are you in?" Roman rested his Melodic Cudgel on Russel's forehead.

"Uhh…. Uh…"

"My mom's gonna kill me"

"I wanna go home"

"I'm in" Cardin spurted, before standing up &amp; getting out of his bounds in an overtly manly way.

"Great…. anyone else?"

"Umm... if our leader's in, we're in too… right?" Dove said. The others nodded, both out of fear.

"Good, good."

...

They were now rolling up to Lisa Lavender's Mansion.

(THE Lisa Lavender)

(She's so hot on TV)

(We're breaking into her home)

"She has illegal deposits of various expensive substances in her walls. That's what the sledgehammer's for. I bet she won't find out until a few years later! Plus, security here's shit! She's always been a bit of a cheapskate."

"How do you know all that?" Cardin axed.

"… She has… big people parties every so often…"

"Big people…, like famous people?" Dove held

"Uh, sure… let's go with that…"

"You've been to her parties before? What are they like?" Russel beamed  
"Is there booze &amp; girls?" Cardin inquired  
"Are these one of them fancy parties?" Dove was skeptic  
"Do you guys paint your nails? &amp; try out clothes? &amp; talk about cute-"

Everyone just stared at Sky Lark.

"Uh—I mean… Why would she tell YOU about her deposits?"

"There's a reason I only ever get drunk alone… Anyway, she's off doing her news, so we should have quite a bit of time to do our business. Russel, you're the smallest, so you'll be my dog. Get that shoulder plate off"

*gulp* "Dog?"

"There are motion sensors in the building. Anything moving 3 feet from the floor will trigger the alarm. It's so that her dogs can move about while she's gone. I must also mention she has dogs. They'll try &amp; bite your face &amp;/or dick off so be careful. Wear this earpiece &amp; I'll direct you from here."

"Y-you can't make me do that! I hate dogs! I have allergies"

"Then try not to hurt them. That allergies thing might work for us. Now get in this doggie door." With hesitation, Russel reached out for the earpiece, &amp; carefully placed it on his right ear. "Does it work?"

"Y-Yup"

Russel went down on all fours, &amp; his team members couldn't help but snigger. Russel started to shimmy his way into the door. It was extremely small, &amp; it was very uncomfortable trying to slip in.

"Wait, come back!" Russel tried to back out of the door, but his hands &amp; legs were stuck outside. "Take this" &amp; Roman put a set of pliers into his hand.

It took a longer while to shimmy Russel into the door. Cardin, Dove, &amp; Sky had to wiggle &amp; push his legs.

"Now dog, find your way in to the kitchen. It should be… at the end of the corridor." Roman &amp; the others eyed Russel as he started to crawl. "Don't ever get up unless I say so."

Roman &amp; the other quickly advanced to the kitchen window. It was higher up due to the land sloping down.

"Put the sledge down &amp; get on all fours" Roman directed to Cardin.

"Wha—why"

"Just do what I tell ya, ok?"

Cardin did just that, &amp; Roman suddenly stepped on Cardin's back. From Cardin came a big grunt, &amp; from Dove &amp; Sky, laughs.

When Russel got to the end of the corridor, two dogs were waiting for him. A fierce, vampiric demon Chihuahua &amp; a tired-of-you-shit Pit Bull. They both started to growl &amp; watch Russel.

"Dog, get them to lick your nose."

"Wha—what? Ew, why?"

"The drugs you snorted knocks out dogs."

After Sky jumped a few times in order to get a good look, he axed, "Why aren't they going after Russel?"

"Maybe it's that wet dog smell Russel always has" Dove replied.

"Hope you have insurance, dog, since they might bite your nose off before you get to them."

Russel started to panic. He had to think quickly! Thinking was always an issue for him. But, it was as if the gods granted him a blessing, when Russel suddenly gave out a gigantic, bellowing sneeze, &amp; dust blew out in front of the dogs, knocking them out.

"Russel was never good at snorting, was he?"

"Can you guys can it with the commentary? You're going next after all… Dog, you see that panel over up there" Russel only replied with a sneeze. "Stick close to the wall, &amp; slowly get up…"

"… What now?"

"Remove the panel covering"

"Uhuh…"

"All you have to do is cut the red wire."

"Okay. Question?"

"What?"

"Which one's red?"

"What?"

"I'm colourblind, sorry."

"… Fuck. Okay. I can't see very well through the window… Stay still. Now… cut the wire on your… left hand."

"Um… which one's my left… again? I'm dyslexic too."

"The hand closest to me, you idiot!"

*gulp**snip*

_System Disarmed_

"Finally. Birdies, do you have the bags ready?" Dove &amp; Sky nodded.

"Open the door."

...

The five were know roaming around the empty house. Roman was in front, twirling around his weapon &amp; singing a familiar, classic tune.

"Don't touch anything, boys… unless you like the police." He then shot a flare towards a large painting.

*BOOOOOM*

"WOAH"  
"AAAH"  
"What'd you do that for? I thought we were sneaking in &amp; out?" Cardin blurted out

"I'm not one for cat suits &amp; stealth. I leave that up to my… superior." He then pushed a vase to the ground.

"But… LISA LAVENDER!" Sky perked.

"Here we are…"

Roman opened a door that led to the wine cellar. Stone stairs trailed down below to the said cellar. In the cellar, a bare stone brick wall.

"Behind here's the stash. Cardin, if you will…"

Cardin slowly lifted the sledgehammer, resting it on the wall. Cardin backed up from the wall, letting momentum do its thing. With every pound, more cracks appeared. From that, a hole the revealed a pocket behind the wall, &amp; in it, was the most amazing ambrosia from heaven….

"JACKPOT!" Roman shouted.

"Bars of gold, sweet sweet, gold"  
"Ooh, &amp; dust!"

"Not just any dust, my friends. It's rare, banned in Vytal, &amp; super safe to handle, so I don't have to worry about any accidents."

"Cool"  
"Awesome"

"What I do have to worry about is you sneaking off with my pay check. Just remember our deal. You help me get all this back, I don't have you killed. Got it?"

**Chapter End**


End file.
